Blog reflection#4- The Power of Stories- Soccer Field Confessions

This week’s module deeply resonated with me as I have always believed in the power of stories to broaden our perspectives and reshape our understanding of the world around us. I’ve already talked much about storytelling in my previous posts. I shared Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s brilliant TED Talk, “Danger of a Single Story”, which emphasized how the absence of diverse voices can perpetuate existing stereotypes.  I also discussed how our biases are of the “stories we make up about people before we know who they really are” (Lauersen, 2019), and that these false narratives are “mental walls and fences” that are much more difficult to break down than physical walls. Moreover, I touched upon the role of libraries in breaking down these mental walls and fences by facilitating respectful and non-judgemental dialogue among diverse groups of people through the use of human libraries, and similar initiatives that feature inclusivity. My Innovation Strategy & Roadmap was an intergenerational multimedia storytelling initiative inspired partly by StoryCorps.

So, this week I thought I’d tell you my account of how I weathered some challenging times in my life partly because of stories. As I listened to Carlson, the librarian at Yarra, recount her reaction upon learning of her boys’ autism diagnosis, I found myself becoming emotional. I could relate to her description of how parents feel when their children are diagnosed with a disability, as I had experienced similar feelings of being lost, isolated, and alone when I found out about my kids being neurodivergent. She talks about how having a kid with a disability that is not clearly physically visible or apparent in their behavior, can contribute to this sense of isolation, as family and friends don’t really understand what you go through. I found this to be accurate as I experienced a level of judgment from others that I had not encountered before. I also had all these false stories that I was telling myself, because I had not experienced such parenting difficulties with my biological kids. They had always been high-achieving, and well-regarded in the community.  So, I felt like I had failed as a parent when my adoptive kids didn’t have the same positive experiences. It took me a while to adjust to a new normal and to overcome my biases about what successful parenting looked like. 

What got me through this challenging period was my book group. My book group was made up of women who had similar parenting challenges, some of whom had decided to opt out of a traditional school system which failed to meet the needs of our children. In our group, we felt safe enough to discuss how the school system in our affluent community was geared towards college-bound high achieving kids, and how our kids didn’t fit in, and didn’t feel engaged in school as a result.  We also lamented the lack of awareness among parents in the community regarding the unique challenges of raising children with disabilities.

One of our first picks in our book group was the book, Far from the tree: Parents, children and the search for identity.  In this brilliant book, Solomon discusses the challenges faced by parents of exceptional children. He writes about “families dealing with deafness, dwarfism, Down Syndrome, Autism, schizophrenia, multiple severe disabilities, with children who are prodigies, who are conceived in rape, who become criminals, who are transgender” (Solomon, n.d.). This book is the culmination of a decade-long research in which Solomon pairs scientific data with case histories or “stories” of the families dealing with these challenges. Solomon tells their stories with thoughtfulness and respect, weaving them together with love and acceptance. By exploring stories of individuals who may be perceived as different or marginalized, the book challenges its readers to expand their understanding of humanity to embrace diversity and celebrate differences. 

Vulnerability, Storytelling and Connection

Around the same time as I was reading this book, I watched Brené Brown’s TED Talk on the power of vulnerability in fostering true connection and intimacy. 

Examining her years of research, including thousands of stories, Brown broadly categorizes people into two groups, those who felt unworthy of connections, and those who lived in a “whole-hearted” way with a deep sense of worthiness. She further discusses that whole-hearted individuals had several things in common: courage, compassion, connection, and vulnerability. Courage to tell the whole story of who they are, courage to be imperfect; compassion for themselves and others for those imperfections, and connection as a result of his authenticity and a willingness to let go of who they thought they should be to be who they were. Most importantly, the “whole-hearted” group fully embraced vulnerability. Brown (2011) states that  “While the vulnerability is the core of shame, fear, and our struggle for worthiness, vulnerability is also the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging, and love”. She goes on to discuss how we, as a society,  numb ourselves to vulnerability through our addictions (food, substances, shopping, medication), making the uncertain certain (as religion and politics attempt to do, but instead of discourse and dialogue, we use blame as a way to discharge pain and discomfort), and “perfecting” the imperfect.  The problem with the numbing is that we can’t selectively numb vulnerability, so we numb joy, gratitude and happiness at the same time, and rob ourselves of true connection (Brown, 2011).

Brown emphasizes that true connection and intimacy require us to be authentic and vulnerable, allowing ourselves to be seen for who we truly are, including our fears, insecurities, and imperfections. This deep level of sharing creates a meaningful, genuine bond between individuals. This vulnerability begins with sharing significant emotional experiences through our stories, which can create a space for empathy, understanding, and mutual support. By opening up about our vulnerabilities and allowing ourselves to be seen, we invite others to do the same, thereby deepening the quality of our relationships and enhancing our sense of belonging and connection.

Soccer Field Confessions

I spent much of my weekends those days watching my kids play soccer. I am not sure if I had watched Brown’s video on vulnerability yet, or if it was just a coincidence, but I started to become more vulnerable with other parents on the field as we discussed our children. As I started to open up more to other parents about the difficulties I was facing, many recounted their own experiences with their children, echoing some of the same fears and insecurities I had regarding their future. By opening up about my vulnerabilities as a parent, and allowing myself to be seen, I invited others to do the same, which made me feel less alone and isolated in the community.  My husband, a soccer coach for many of the teams, was astounded that I made such meaningful connections with people on the soccer field, and jokingly suggested that I bring all the stories together in a book called Soccer field confessions.

Libraries and Storytelling

Coming back full circle to libraries, the human library allows people to check out “human books” to engage in meaningful dialogue with people who have been marginalized or stereotyped in some way. The human library’s “strength lies in the people willing to open their lives to total strangers” (Ray, 2019).  This vulnerability allows for meaningful and authentic dialogue and allows personal connections to be made within the community, and “weaves the library more tightly into the fabric of the community” (Wentz, 2013). The first impact study of the Human library revealed that human library events helped “readers” to reflect on their own biases and “resulted in an increased sensitivity towards the diversity that exists beyond physical appearances (Aarne-Skimore, 2021). More importantly, readers recognized that inclusion is more than acceptance or non-discrimination- it requires conscious action” (Aarne-Skidmore, 2021). 

Public libraries have also partnered with StoryCorps, to record, preserve and share the personal stories of many Americans from all backgrounds, “creating a ‘ripple effect’ that spreads from the interviewee to family and friends, the community and listeners, and ultimately to future generations” (Eberhart, 2018). These stories have “increased listeners’ understanding of a variety of groups, demonstrated the value of everyone’s experience and reminded listeners of their shared humanity” (Stephens, 2019, p. 94). 

Stories can also be used in research to better understand our communities and ourselves. Both Brené Brown and Andrew Solomon used qualitative analysis in their research, and their findings deeply resonated because they combined their data with case studies or stories. This reminded me of the emerging research methodology of Narrative Inquiry in libraries “that utilizes a flexible interview format to collect information about unique, personal responses” and “encourages a full spectrum of unique responses and brings to life the story of individuals” (Stephens, 2020). Narrative inquiry can be used to better understand community needs and to adapt programming and services to be more inclusive. An excellent example was the use of NI to adapt programming to provide accommodations to children with neuro-diverse disabilities (Stephens, 2020). 

Stories allow us to “glimpse into people’s lives” and can leave us forever “inspired, moved, and changed” (Stephens, 2019, p. 91) Storytelling is a powerful tool for building bridges across differences and nurturing a sense of empathy and connection among people from diverse backgrounds. Through the exchange of narratives, we can recognize and appreciate the richness of human diversity while also reaffirming our shared humanity.

References:

Aarne-Skidmore, E. (2021, April 14). New study on the impact of the Human Library. The Human Library organization. https://humanlibrary.org/new-study-on-the-impact-of-the-human-library/

Brown, B. (2011). The power of  vulnerability. TedTalk. https://youtu.be/iCvmsMzlF7o?si=U9Q8MXWkLzcEBAF7

Eberhart, G. M. (2018, Feb 10). Sharing people’s stories: StoryCorps partners with public libraries. American Libraries Magazine. https://americanlibrariesmagazine.org/blogs/the-scoop/sharing-peoples-stories/

Ngozi, C. (2009). The danger of a single story. Ted Conferences. https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_ngozi_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story?language=en 

Ray, M. (2019, April 12). Courageous conversations at the Human Library. Next Avenue. https://www.nextavenue.org/courageous-conversations-human-library/

Solomon, A. (n.d.). Far from the tree: Parents, children and the search for identity. https://andrewsolomon.com/books/far-from-the-tree/

Stephens, M. (2019). Wholehearted librarianship: Finding hope, inspiration, and balance. ALA Editions.

Stephens, M. (2020, May 10). Office hours: Narrative inquiry. Tame the Web. https://tametheweb.com/2020/04/09/office-hours-narrative-inquiry/

Stephens, M. (2020, April 9). Office hours: The power of stories part 2. https://287.hyperlib.sjsu.edu/office-hours-the-power-of-stories-part-2/

Wentz, E. (2013, April 26). The Human Library: Sharing the community with itself. Public Libraries Online- A  publication of the Public Library Association. https://publiclibrariesonline.org/2013/04/human_librar/